Finding G-d in the Wilderness
Hashem set His plan in motion, knowing that families throughout time would be exiled from Israel through the scattering of assimilation. But our Shepherd, Hashem, will gather His Chosen into The Promised Land.
We all have our own “Wilderness” to walk [with Hashem] for tests and trails that draws us closer to Hashem. My journey home has been a hard path consisting of dry, rocky, loneliness, hardships, sandy paths, and near-death experiences. During my journey, the path given was me entering this world into the loving arms of my parents who didn’t know they were Jews; yet, G-d formed me in my mother’s womb to bring forth the Father’s blessings.
It’s easy for people who are fearful, and lack understanding, to become judgmental towards the lives of others. Sadly, assimilation tears a person away from knowing their lineage and heritage that was given. It removes the intimacy of their belief in G-d, Torah, Sabbaths, festivals, prayers, culture, observances, language, and hope, by replacing a person’s life with counterfeits—Replacement Theology.
Growing up, my family always believed in G-d. That wasn’t taken from them, but from different religious backgrounds throughout assimilation, important areas were lost along the way. However, they lived the Noachide Laws, but man’s traditions were included. I am grateful Hashem remembered me with His mercy, patience, and love; I was drawn to Him through Torah showing me Emert and Ohr.
During the summer of 2013, my husband and I heard Hashem’s call. It was time to come out of churches (Egypt), embrace Shabbat/Shabbos, guard the Torah, keep the Festivals, and remove “doctrines of man.” I had to unlearn wrongful thinking through prayers (baalat teshuva) and begin Torah study. Through amazing Instructors (Torah teachers and Orthodox Jewish Rabbis), online studies, gatherings, reading from sources of Chabad, and Artscroll Tanach, Chumash, Hashem revealed more of Him, and something tangible about me. Although, my inner self knew I was a Jew, my souls cried for confirmation. One morning, while looking in a mirror, into my own eyes, Hashem spoke to me. He said I was a Jew. Through intense and in-depth research from a professional Genealogist Jewish woman, the findings were astounding! My husband and I had our genealogy completed. We call it our Family Phone book—it’s that thick! My husband and I are Jewish on both sides of our parents, going up through our grandmothers for many generations. We are both direct descendants from the Tribe of Levi. B”H!
Hashem’s mighty hand brought us together in a land that is so profoundly lost in Jewish traditions, and observances. But there are many of us here. Hashem has a plan! I believe like with Jacob, the area we live in, that by living a life that is Torah Observant, prayerfully seeking Hashem’s Will, studying Torah daily, praying through my Siddur, keeping Shabbat, lighting the candles (blessings), separating Challah, and teaching Torah to others, the Light of Hashem remains.
I am a Jewish woman who embraces Judaism with a heart for Hashem, and our people–Family! Knowing who I am, my identity in Hashem, it brings me much Shalom within. My Souls have awakened and I am doing my best to learn (so many years were lost); trying to catch up.
Our life is a journey, our Wilderness, and everything has a purpose for what and when Hashem reveals. On this journey, my hope and desire is to always draw near Hashem by davening, studying, doing, breathing, living and sharing Torah with others in Chesed (kindness). I am finally on my way home. Hashem is laying out the foundation by guiding my footsteps; no longer lost.
My prayer and hope is for my whole family, as well as my extended family, to become Torah Observant Orthodox Jews, May they take hold of our Jewish Heritage and follow the ways of Hashem. May we be blessed to make Aliyah to Israel. I also hope for the people in our surrounding area to live the Torah Life Hashem intended as we wait for the Mashiach, who will bring the complete restoration — in Jerusalem!
My heart cries for the day we can finally leave the exiled lands and go home to Eretz Yisrael.